A picture I took after I first started university, when I was in a truly depressed state.
I dunno what's wrong with me.
I just have this overwhelming feeling of sadness that I haven't felt in a long time.
But I do kind of know why I'm sad. I think I'm just stressing out over school. And I know I hate hearing about how everybody is busy with school and have all these projects and papers and reports and tests and w.e that they hafta do, but I'm going to say the exact same thing now; that I have soo much shit to do.
I'm not sad because of having a lot of work to do and not being able to spend time with my friends and go to the mall and stuff. I'm sad because I think about how my everyday life is, and how every single day of the week is dedicated to school.
And what's bringing me to tears right now is thinking about how I have absolutely nothing to do right now, and how I'm about to pull out a textbook to start reading for my next class. I'm thinking of how my day went today, where I woke up, went to school, sat through class taking notes, came home, showered and ate, and now just sitting here not knowing what to do. But I know exactly what I'm gonna do, and that's read/ study until I feel tired enough to fall asleep. And I'm thinking of tomorrow, when I hafta wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning to catch my bus to the train, where I have about 45 minutes to sit and read more of my textbook. Then after my first morning class, I'll head to the library where I'm going to try to find some books to read so that I can start to take notes for my 7 - 8 page paper that will be due in a few weeks. Then I will sit through my next two hour class taking notes and then I'll try to rush home, in hopes that I will get back before 8 o'clock at night. When I get home, I'll shower and eat, turn on my laptop, and sit here, once again, not knowing what to do. I may play a few games and talk to a few people, but I very soon end up reading a textbook again for an upcoming class. And I just think of how much I really really really really really really really really hate school.
I'm just thinking of all of this money that is going into school when I really really hate being there. I know that you need an education and a degree to be able to do anything, but sometimes I wonder if I'll even finish. Others seem to cope so well, treating University life as if it were the same as their high school life, their normal life. And here I am, seemingly depressed, wondering if I can even handle this kind of "lifestyle" for even another month.
